Well, here we are again.
It's been a real rough last couple of weeks. School started which means my job got into full swing and it turns out I don't like it so much. I am taking care of one 8 year old girl with cerebral palsy who is totally dependent on all care. This means I get there at 8am, bathe her, feed her, do exercises and then take her to kindergarten. In kindy I spend 30 minutes a day attempting to teach English to 10 3-5 year olds. It should be fun, but without a translator it is a bit difficult. I've never taught a class in my life and I'm being thrown in like I actually know what I'm doing. Hate to break it to ya, I don't. After kindy I feed the girl lunch then take her back to have a rest while I supposedly have mine, though to date I still have not had a lunch break. Then I have to do more exercises with her and another girl with CP who is more advanced. Then I either take them for a walk, read to them, or nap with them. Then, the worst part of my day: Teaching high school health to several teenagers, half of whom cannot speak a lick of English. It has only been a week, and so far I have just gone over the syllabus and expectations, but still the most challenging so far. How am I supposed to teach kids who cannot speak my language about the body and different disorders therein? Half the class has decent enough English that I can get by, but the others... well, they don't even know the word "hand" in English. I asked for a translator but was told to just use one of the kids. Which isn't fair at all, and I don't think their translating ability is going to be all that great since we are learning a completely new subject.
This all coincides with the fact that I am now living with Amon, which is great and wonderful and I absolutely love, except he lives in a staff house. This means I get all the amenities of a nice place; washer/dryer, hot water, fridge, stove, internet; but have to deal with starfish staff all the time. The place I had rented turned out to be quite the pit, is filled with black mold and mosquitoes, so we decided it would be best for me to stay here until the end of the month when I could find a better place.
And the saga up at the children's home is, of course, never ending. I had hoped that I could go up to visit the children after school and on weekends, but two weeks ago when I went up to talk to one of the workers about a child, Didi said that I could no longer go up there without her permission. She said she would prefer it if I didn't go up at all. I see the kids at the school, they tell me they are sick, other kids are sick. I see them at the hospital and find out that they've been running a fever of 102 for 10 days and nobody did a damn thing until now. I hear stories from volunteers that children are in the clinic handing out medications that are not logged or recorded, so some children are getting double, triple or missed doses of paracetamol (Tylenol). I am outraged. I even offered to help, despite being hurt at not being able to visit, but was told by Didi that she did not need me. Clearly she needs someone up there, because the 20 year old girl who is currently running the place isn't doing it right.
You know, I poured so much of myself into that clinic. I made it what it is today, or what it's supposed to be. Rarely did I have to take children to the hospital because I was able to care for them at home. I organized medical charts, had a great charting system in place, kept up with appointments, and never messed up medications. On top of that I successfully ran an outreach program for 40 some odd people in need in the surrounding areas. And now... now it is all gone. Everything I worked for, everything I loved, taken from me.
I finally asked why. Why is it I got kicked out of my job, out of my house, had access to the kids taken away? Well, the baby of course. Apparently I am a bad influence on the children now because I decided to have a child out of wedlock. Completely disregard the fact that I am a successful 28 year old woman in a stable relationship. I guess, according to Didi, I am in the same boat as the 17 year old who got knocked up last year (who Didi still supports financially I might add).
The thing that really irks me is how this woman can continue to get away with treating people the way she does. I am not the first and I certainly will not be the last. And... guess what? There isn't a damn thing I can do about it. I can sit here and be angry and pissed and hurt, or I can let it all go and focus on making my life, and the life of my child, the best possible one we can have. Amon and I talked about it, we're so happy together, so excited about this new life forming. Already we have more love between us than has ever or will ever exist up at the "Home of Joy".
Anyway... thanks for listening to my rant.
In good news: Yesterday I had an ultrasound and saw my baby for the second time. There really is nothing in this world that compares to seeing your child up on the big screen, waving his little hands, kicking his little feet, and hearing his heartbeat. I am absolutely head over heels in love with this little creature already! I can feel his little kicks, and that is just about the coolest thing ever. I can't wait to see him in my arms. 17 weeks down, 23 to go!
Monday, May 20, 2013
Sunday, May 5, 2013
New Life, New Blog
Welcome to my new blog! I figured that my life has changed in so many
ways, but mostly that it has changed from being a traveler's life to that of an
expat life, so thus the need for a new blog. My old travel blog still
exists at: http://travelblogs.mapquest.com/anialpern
There are so many things that have come to surface that I was unable to post about before, so I think I will start from the beginning... or an abbreviated version of how it all began.
When I decided to move to Thailand in August of 2011 I never could have imagined the twists and turns that my life would take. I thought I'd be going for a maximum of 6 months and then return to life in the US, to my job with hospice, and possibly to my boyfriend at the time. Now, nearly two years later, I am still in Sangkhlaburi, expecting my first child, and absolutely loving life without intention to go back to the States for a good long while.
I met Amon at Baan Didi the day after I returned from my first trip back to America after living here for 3 months. I was able to find closure back home and decided that Thailand would become my new home for more than the initially intended 6 months. Amon was working as a driver at the home. I remember pointing him out to my friend... that sure is a cute looking Asian, I wonder how I can get to know him? We slowly… very slowly, started our courtship. Dating someone in this culture is a different ballgame and I had to learn all sorts of new rules, but it went smoothly. Soon enough, after one whole month, we shared our first kiss under the kam fai’s (fire lanterns) of the King’s birthday that were streaming in the thousands over our heads as we sat alone on a house boat in the middle of the lake. It was a pretty magical beginning for us and life in Sangkhlaburi was just as amazing as ever. I did not want to ever leave.
Unfortunately, I had to go home for the summer, which meant being away from Amon and my kids in Sangkhla for three and a half months while I worked at a girl scout camp in Bailey. The summer was amazing, but the time apart from Amon meant that coming back would be challenging, a lot did change between he and I in that time. Not only he and I actually, but many aspects of life as I had known it before were different when I returned. No longer did I have Setske and Libby as my counterparts, my roommates and my best friends. No longer could I sit around with them each evening and chat about being crippled with back aches and making peanut butter oreos while drinking red tea and Chang beer simultaneously. The house I came back to was cold, dirty, and didn’t feel much like home at all without them.
I spent the first month alone for the most part, having not so gently dismissing Amon for we had grown apart, and waiting for Cat to return from Portugal so I could have a roommate again. I cooked a lot of food, took a lot of walks, watched many movies and spent more than my allotted hours at the home playing with the gorgeous children. Finally Cat got back and I felt alive again! Ah yes, this is why I love life in this town! I started going out more, cooking less, and smiling often. During this time I hadn’t stopped thinking about my boy, and I missed him every day. I would see him around town and we wouldn’t speak and that was heartbreaking. In October I decided to call him and said enough is enough, I can’t stop thinking about you. He said the same about me and we decided to work through our changed lifestyles and be a couple again. It was slow, once again, very slow, but my December, once again on the King’s birthday, I found myself in his arms once more… and it felt right.
From August of 2012 to recently I had been going to Bangkok or Kanchanaburi every 2-3 weeks to take children to appointments, as well as leaving the country to go on visa runs every 3 months. It was exhausting and I was gone a lot. I didn’t like this aspect of my job, but there was so much else going on to make up for the unpleasantness of traveling constantly. I started running the relief program at the home and got it in good running and working order with the help of Sarah, another volunteer in town. I started having meetings with other organizations about how to work together to make our programs more successful and to bring greater benefit to the people. I also started to teach a sex ed and social awareness class with Ken and Cat and learned so much from them and from the kids. On top of day to day running of the clinic at the home and all the other projects, life was busy and I was happy.
Amon and I had talked about having children… one day. We both agreed that our child would be the cutest most loved little kid in town. We hadn’t set any concrete plans, but it was something we both very much wanted. Little did we know that it would happen so quickly! On March 1st, my 28th birthday, I found out I was pregnant with my Little Bean. It was such a wonderful, albeit terrifying, birthday gift.
I spent the entirety of March in the bathroom or miserable in bed with morning sickness… so it seemed. Actually I continued to work 10-12 hour days in the home and successfully get a team of plastic surgeons to Sangkhlaburi to operate on 25 children and adults in desperate need. It was exhausting, but I did it.
I was starting to tell some people about the pregnancy and the reactions were very mixed. Some people were very happy, excited, and looking forward to seeing my baby. Some people were a little apprehensive, and confused. I went home for the month of April and I think that was the most common reaction: Confusion.
You see, I had to keep Amon secret for so long because of the nature of my work and my status within the community. Most people here in town didn’t even know we were together until I got pregnant. And the same goes with people back home. No facebook posts about him or relationship status changes until recently.
When I told Didi about the pregnancy a lot seemed to happen at once. It was decided within two days that I would no longer work at the home but instead move to the school where I could be a school nurse and also help take care of two girls with cerebral palsy. The reasoning behind the move is still a bit confusing, but in the end it is good. Less working hours and less responsibility. Although I had to give up one of my greatest loves: the relief program and outreach work.
Now we’re up to date. Currently I am staying with Amon due to my new house being infested with black mold and mosquitoes. I work at the school Monday through Friday, 8am-4:30pm and I’m afraid that monotony will be the killer. I don’t do well with routine and never have.
We have been announcing my pregnancy to people around town and the reaction now is so good! I am greeted with belly pats and smiles of great width. Amon is already a proud father and has been my pillar of strength this past week. In the midst of all the changes, with my life, my body, my connections, he is there, supporting me every minute. He is amazing and I could not ask for anything better. He shows people the picture of our baby with a giant smile and proudly proclaims he’s going to be a daddy. It makes me glow. Every morning I am awoken by him kissing my belly and saying, “good morning baby. Time to wake up”. He forces me to eat even when I feel like vomiting, and goes out of his way to ensure my wellbeing, all of the time. I am so lucky to have him, to have this child growing inside me, and to have amazing people and community surrounding me. Life is challenging at times, and this has by far been the most challenging change I have ever experienced, but not without good outcomes.
There are so many things that have come to surface that I was unable to post about before, so I think I will start from the beginning... or an abbreviated version of how it all began.
When I decided to move to Thailand in August of 2011 I never could have imagined the twists and turns that my life would take. I thought I'd be going for a maximum of 6 months and then return to life in the US, to my job with hospice, and possibly to my boyfriend at the time. Now, nearly two years later, I am still in Sangkhlaburi, expecting my first child, and absolutely loving life without intention to go back to the States for a good long while.
I met Amon at Baan Didi the day after I returned from my first trip back to America after living here for 3 months. I was able to find closure back home and decided that Thailand would become my new home for more than the initially intended 6 months. Amon was working as a driver at the home. I remember pointing him out to my friend... that sure is a cute looking Asian, I wonder how I can get to know him? We slowly… very slowly, started our courtship. Dating someone in this culture is a different ballgame and I had to learn all sorts of new rules, but it went smoothly. Soon enough, after one whole month, we shared our first kiss under the kam fai’s (fire lanterns) of the King’s birthday that were streaming in the thousands over our heads as we sat alone on a house boat in the middle of the lake. It was a pretty magical beginning for us and life in Sangkhlaburi was just as amazing as ever. I did not want to ever leave.
Unfortunately, I had to go home for the summer, which meant being away from Amon and my kids in Sangkhla for three and a half months while I worked at a girl scout camp in Bailey. The summer was amazing, but the time apart from Amon meant that coming back would be challenging, a lot did change between he and I in that time. Not only he and I actually, but many aspects of life as I had known it before were different when I returned. No longer did I have Setske and Libby as my counterparts, my roommates and my best friends. No longer could I sit around with them each evening and chat about being crippled with back aches and making peanut butter oreos while drinking red tea and Chang beer simultaneously. The house I came back to was cold, dirty, and didn’t feel much like home at all without them.
I spent the first month alone for the most part, having not so gently dismissing Amon for we had grown apart, and waiting for Cat to return from Portugal so I could have a roommate again. I cooked a lot of food, took a lot of walks, watched many movies and spent more than my allotted hours at the home playing with the gorgeous children. Finally Cat got back and I felt alive again! Ah yes, this is why I love life in this town! I started going out more, cooking less, and smiling often. During this time I hadn’t stopped thinking about my boy, and I missed him every day. I would see him around town and we wouldn’t speak and that was heartbreaking. In October I decided to call him and said enough is enough, I can’t stop thinking about you. He said the same about me and we decided to work through our changed lifestyles and be a couple again. It was slow, once again, very slow, but my December, once again on the King’s birthday, I found myself in his arms once more… and it felt right.
From August of 2012 to recently I had been going to Bangkok or Kanchanaburi every 2-3 weeks to take children to appointments, as well as leaving the country to go on visa runs every 3 months. It was exhausting and I was gone a lot. I didn’t like this aspect of my job, but there was so much else going on to make up for the unpleasantness of traveling constantly. I started running the relief program at the home and got it in good running and working order with the help of Sarah, another volunteer in town. I started having meetings with other organizations about how to work together to make our programs more successful and to bring greater benefit to the people. I also started to teach a sex ed and social awareness class with Ken and Cat and learned so much from them and from the kids. On top of day to day running of the clinic at the home and all the other projects, life was busy and I was happy.
Amon and I had talked about having children… one day. We both agreed that our child would be the cutest most loved little kid in town. We hadn’t set any concrete plans, but it was something we both very much wanted. Little did we know that it would happen so quickly! On March 1st, my 28th birthday, I found out I was pregnant with my Little Bean. It was such a wonderful, albeit terrifying, birthday gift.
I spent the entirety of March in the bathroom or miserable in bed with morning sickness… so it seemed. Actually I continued to work 10-12 hour days in the home and successfully get a team of plastic surgeons to Sangkhlaburi to operate on 25 children and adults in desperate need. It was exhausting, but I did it.
I was starting to tell some people about the pregnancy and the reactions were very mixed. Some people were very happy, excited, and looking forward to seeing my baby. Some people were a little apprehensive, and confused. I went home for the month of April and I think that was the most common reaction: Confusion.
You see, I had to keep Amon secret for so long because of the nature of my work and my status within the community. Most people here in town didn’t even know we were together until I got pregnant. And the same goes with people back home. No facebook posts about him or relationship status changes until recently.
When I told Didi about the pregnancy a lot seemed to happen at once. It was decided within two days that I would no longer work at the home but instead move to the school where I could be a school nurse and also help take care of two girls with cerebral palsy. The reasoning behind the move is still a bit confusing, but in the end it is good. Less working hours and less responsibility. Although I had to give up one of my greatest loves: the relief program and outreach work.
Now we’re up to date. Currently I am staying with Amon due to my new house being infested with black mold and mosquitoes. I work at the school Monday through Friday, 8am-4:30pm and I’m afraid that monotony will be the killer. I don’t do well with routine and never have.
We have been announcing my pregnancy to people around town and the reaction now is so good! I am greeted with belly pats and smiles of great width. Amon is already a proud father and has been my pillar of strength this past week. In the midst of all the changes, with my life, my body, my connections, he is there, supporting me every minute. He is amazing and I could not ask for anything better. He shows people the picture of our baby with a giant smile and proudly proclaims he’s going to be a daddy. It makes me glow. Every morning I am awoken by him kissing my belly and saying, “good morning baby. Time to wake up”. He forces me to eat even when I feel like vomiting, and goes out of his way to ensure my wellbeing, all of the time. I am so lucky to have him, to have this child growing inside me, and to have amazing people and community surrounding me. Life is challenging at times, and this has by far been the most challenging change I have ever experienced, but not without good outcomes.
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