Having a baby in Thaianmar (Thailand/Myanmar)

It's been a while.  A very long while.  And I've been meaning to write for all that while.  But I haven't.  Because reading other blogs and facestalking is way more important, or fun, or whatever.

Anywho.  I wanted to share the silly, sometimes disturbing, things that Karen, Burmese and Thai people say to do with my child.  By the way, Asher is now 5 months old, a very strong and healthy little boy.

When he was born the first craziness came about in the form of blankets.  Actually, even to this day I have to fight Amon about the blankets.  Wrap him up, keep him warm, ALL THE TIME.  When he was born he was immediately wrapped in a receiving blanket, and then a nice, plush, heavy blanket.  He was barely removed from these wrappings (except for pees and poos) for the next 3 days.  This actually turned quite scary, and was actually pretty detrimental to Asher's health.  He developed severe jaundice, his bili levels were almost too high.  He wasn't eating well, wasn't quite getting the hang of the whole nursing thing, and was sweating, a lot.  By day 3 of life he had stopped peeing and pooping all together and had to be rushed back to the hospital at 2am where doctors threatened to put a feeding tube in him if he did not start eating and peeing.  Luckily we dodged that bullet, but the fact is that had we not wrapped Asher in a thousand blankets, he would have peed out the bili instead of sweating it out, and we could have potentially avoided jaundice.

Luckily that was the most serious effect of the suggestions and we haven't seen any ill effects since then.

So along with blankets, there was water.  Give the (exclusively breastfed) baby water.  Nope.

When he turned a month old the "shave his head" haranguing began.  To this day it is still an issue with the locals that I chose not to shave my kid's head.  He's a baby.  It's not going to happen.

"Shave his eyebrows, then put butterfly pee and tanaka on them so they grow in thicker".  Um, butterfly pee?  Where exactly do I get that?  How...  Oh nevermind, I'm not going to shave my baby's eyebrows anyway.

I told one mother that my milk was drying up.  She said, I'm pretty sure, "shave the baby's head, then shave your breasts, and the milk will come".  Shave my breasts?  How much hair do YOU have on your boobs lady?

NO DIAPERS IN THE DAY!  It's too hot, don't you know.  So instead you put these little shorts on and then they get pee and poo EVERYWHERE.  We've managed to compromise by using cloth diapers.

Cover his chest, always.  Because if you don't, the air can go in and give him cancer.  Or something.

Make him wear a hat, preferably a knit one, whenever he goes outside.  Yes, even in one million degree heat with one million percent humidity.

"If he is sleeping and jumping in his sleep (startle reflex) put a pillow or something heavy over his chest and he won't jump."  This actually is good advice, as Asher has insane reflexes, however, he jumps so much that the pillow inevitably falls off.  And then he ends up on his tummy, always.

Speaking of tummy, I am so not allowed to do tummy time.  It will make his chest flat.  Why are the poor kid's nipples so far apart?  Because I did tummy time.  Duh.

"Exercise the baby's legs, hold them straight for 5 minutes twice a day so they don't stay curved."  Lord knows we can't all be walking bow-legged forever.

Also, it is perfectly acceptable for a stranger to walk up to me and ask me if I am breastfeeding.  In fact, it's pretty much the first question people ask, even before asking if he's a boy or girl, his name, his age... it's "luk gin nom meh?" Does baby drink mother's milk?  Which, I mean, depending on your standpoint with the whole breastfeeding thing, could be good.  I don't tell people he is fed both breastmilk and formula, because I get "the look" if I do.  I am obviously just too selfish not to exclusively breastfeed my child.

In the "cold" season I can't give the baby a bath anytime after 4pm.  It's too cold and he could die.  Pretty much.

Now that Asher is beginning to eat real food, I have gotten a whole bunch of new advice.

Here is how to feed your baby:  Lay him down on your lap, with your legs straight out, and his head in your groin.  Yeah.  Now feed him like that.  Oh, no, don't worry, he won't choke.

To make rice: Boil the rice until it is watery, put it through a towel, scrape off the goo.  You get about 1/2 a teaspoon every 10 minutes, so it's totally worth it.  No, you cannot use a blender because the metal in the blades could come off in the food and then your baby WILL DIE.

He cannot eat anything but rice.

WHY are you giving your child pumpkin!?  What, are those CUCUMBERS!? Are you seriously trying to POISON your child?

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There are many other things people have "advised" me to do, but for the most part I can agree with some things.  Like co-sleeping.  People are astonished and appalled that Asher has his own bed in his own room.  They see his room and ask, "who sleeps in there?", and when I tell them "that's Asher's room" they are shocked.  I would love to sleep with my baby if a) it weren't so hot b) he actually slept and c) it wasn't so loud in my room.

Another thing I kind of like is the whole going back to your roots, Eastern medicine stuff they use.  Like certain foods I was forbidden to eat after giving birth because they make the body too hot or too cold.  I was only allowed to drink warm water.  I was supposed to stay in bed, covered in tumeric and do nothing for one month.  People looked afraid when I told them I had to go back to work after only 2 months of leave.  "But how will the baby eat?"  "He needs his mother."  And this I agree with wholeheartedly.  Incidentally, I did not go back to work, and am still a stay at home mama.

With all our love from the jungle,

Ani, Amon and Asher

Pregnancy is a trip

I don't know what I thought it would be like to be pregnant, but now that I am, I can't remember what it was like to not be pregnant.  This whole adventure has been chock full of excitement, anxiety, and changes beyond what I ever imagined. 

I can officially say I hate women who claim things like: "Oh, I just loved being pregnant!"  Tell me lady, what exactly did you love about it?  Getting fat? Having gas all the time?  Heartburn up to your nose?  Relationship stress and changes?  Having to spend all your money preparing?  Peeing all night?  Having random people touch your body?  What is so glorious about these 9 (actually 10) months? 

I started out with bad morning sickness that made me lose a lot of weight.  Which made me constantly worry and feel guilty.  Now that the morning sickness is gone, the pounds are piling on it seems and I'm sorry, but after battling being overweight since I was 12, it's not easy.  The image of being thin and beautiful does not go away when you all the sudden have an alien living inside of you. 

Being pregnant in Thailand is even more of a trip.  I am away from my best friends and my loving family and I miss them daily.  I know this is a choice I made, but it continues to be a difficult one every day.  There are few people in this little town that I can relate to, so I end up turning to my one confidant and that is Amon.  He has been incredibly gracious in listening to my whining and putting up with my moods, but I can't help wonder if one day he will get tired of it all? 

I constantly have Thai people telling me that my stomach is too small for how pregnant I am.  This makes me feel guilty.  Even though the doctors all say the baby is measuring fine.  I am either too fat, or not fat enough in this country.  I can't eat chili (which I crave all the time), I can't wear tight pants because the baby can't breathe (the baby doesn't breathe you idiots), I should exercise more, but I can't swim, run, or walk, it's perfectly OK to eat raw fish and why in the hell am I not eating fish?  I shouldn't bother buying a crib or a rocking chair or even having a nursery because it is bad luck to prepare all this before the baby comes, I should have bought land and built a house before getting pregnant, and so on and so forth.  All these rules and customs that are not my own are constantly thrown at me by Karen, Thai, Burmese and Mon people.  I know that their intentions are well, and that yes, it does take a village, but sometimes I just miss my own culture and how we do pregnancy. 

I broke down and bought the "What To Expect" book today.  At least I can get a little perspective of what it's like outside of this country.

I worry all the time about settling here in Thailand.  Is this really the right place for me?  Why did everything happen so fast?  Why did I let it happen so fast?  What happens when my money runs out?  Am I really going to realistically be able to travel to America 3 months out of the year for work?  What about the kid's school?  Where will he go to school and how will I take him with me to the states if he's in school?  Will I ever be able to work and get paid as a nurse in this country?  What if I have to leave Thailand to go back and live in America? 

Please, don't get me wrong.  I love my people in that country and it is a good country and I miss it, but the idea of living there again, especially as a single mom... that's the one thing that terrifies me more than anything else.  My heart races just thinking about it.  I wasn't happy there when I left, and even though circumstances have changed, I just can't picture myself back there and happy.  It's become pretty much a fact that Amon will not go with me to the states.  To live or, unfortunately, even to travel.  He cannot justify spending 6 months of income on a trip that doesn't produce anything in return.  Asians don't travel for the fun or excitement of it, they travel for work.  And that is just something in his culture that I've come to accept, kind of like he has accepted that I have to go back from time to time.  It's sad and strange that most of my family won't get to meet the father of my child unless they venture here.  But, alas, this is the path I have chosen. 

Becoming pregnant has turned my life upside down and twisted it around in so many ways.  Most of the changes are good, but damn, this has already been the hardest thing I have ever done.  Everyone says that it's worth it though.  It better be.

Next Steps

Well, here we are again. 

It's been a real rough last couple of weeks.  School started which means my job got into full swing and it turns out I don't like it so much.  I am taking care of one 8 year old girl with cerebral palsy who is totally dependent on all care.  This means I get there at 8am, bathe her, feed her, do exercises and then take her to kindergarten.  In kindy I spend 30 minutes a day attempting to teach English to 10 3-5 year olds.  It should be fun, but without a translator it is a bit difficult.  I've never taught a class in my life and I'm being thrown in like I actually know what I'm doing.  Hate to break it to ya, I don't.  After kindy I feed the girl lunch then take her back to have a rest while I supposedly have mine, though to date I still have not had a lunch break.  Then I have to do more exercises with her and another girl with CP who is more advanced.  Then I either take them for a walk, read to them, or nap with them.  Then, the worst part of my day: Teaching high school health to several teenagers, half of whom cannot speak a lick of English.  It has only been a week, and so far I have just gone over the syllabus and expectations, but still the most challenging so far.  How am I supposed to teach kids who cannot speak my language about the body and different disorders therein?  Half the class has decent enough English that I can get by, but the others... well, they don't even know the word "hand" in English.  I asked for a translator but was told to just use one of the kids.  Which isn't fair at all, and I don't think their translating ability is going to be all that great since we are learning a completely new subject. 

This all coincides with the fact that I am now living with Amon, which is great and wonderful and I absolutely love, except he lives in a staff house.  This means I get all the amenities of a nice place; washer/dryer, hot water, fridge, stove, internet; but have to deal with starfish staff all the time.  The place I had rented turned out to be quite the pit, is filled with black mold and mosquitoes, so we decided it would be best for me to stay here until the end of the month when I could find a better place. 

And the saga up at the children's home is, of course, never ending.  I had hoped that I could go up to visit the children after school and on weekends, but two weeks ago when I went up to talk to one of the workers about a child, Didi said that I could no longer go up there without her permission.  She said she would prefer it if I didn't go up at all.  I see the kids at the school, they tell me they are sick, other kids are sick.  I see them at the hospital and find out that they've been running a fever of 102 for 10 days and nobody did a damn thing until now.  I hear stories from volunteers that children are in the clinic handing out medications that are not logged or recorded, so some children are getting double, triple or missed doses of paracetamol (Tylenol).  I am outraged.  I even offered to help, despite being hurt at not being able to visit, but was told by Didi that she did not need me.  Clearly she needs someone up there, because the 20 year old girl who is currently running the place isn't doing it right. 

You know, I poured so much of myself into that clinic.  I made it what it is today, or what it's supposed to be.  Rarely did I have to take children to the hospital because I was able to care for them at home.  I organized medical charts, had a great charting system in place, kept up with appointments, and never messed up medications.  On top of that I successfully ran an outreach program for 40 some odd people in need in the surrounding areas.  And now... now it is all gone.  Everything I worked for, everything I loved, taken from me. 

I finally asked why.  Why is it I got kicked out of my job, out of my house, had access to the kids taken away?  Well, the baby of course.  Apparently I am a bad influence on the children now because I decided to have a child out of wedlock.  Completely disregard the fact that I am a successful 28 year old woman in a stable relationship.  I guess, according to Didi, I am in the same boat as the 17 year old who got knocked up last year (who Didi still supports financially I might add). 

The thing that really irks me is how this woman can continue to get away with treating people the way she does.  I am not the first and I certainly will not be the last.  And... guess what?  There isn't a damn thing I can do about it.  I can sit here and be angry and pissed and hurt, or I can let it all go and focus on making my life, and the life of my child, the best possible one we can have.  Amon and I talked about it, we're so happy together, so excited about this new life forming.  Already we have more love between us than has ever or will ever exist up at the "Home of Joy". 

Anyway... thanks for listening to my rant. 

In good news:  Yesterday I had an ultrasound and saw my baby for the second time.  There really is nothing in this world that compares to seeing your child up on the big screen, waving his little hands, kicking his little feet, and hearing his heartbeat.  I am absolutely head over heels in love with this little creature already!  I can feel his little kicks, and that is just about the coolest thing ever.  I can't wait to see him in my arms.  17 weeks down, 23 to go!

New Life, New Blog

Welcome to my new blog!  I figured that my life has changed in so many ways, but mostly that it has changed from being a traveler's life to that of an expat life, so thus the need for a new blog.  My old travel blog still exists at: http://travelblogs.mapquest.com/anialpern

There are so many things that have come to surface that I was unable to post about before, so I think I will start from the beginning... or an abbreviated version of how it all began.

When I decided to move to Thailand in August of 2011 I never could have imagined the twists and turns that my life would take.  I thought I'd be going for a maximum of 6 months and then return to life in the US, to my job with hospice, and possibly to my boyfriend at the time.  Now, nearly two years later, I am still in Sangkhlaburi, expecting my first child, and absolutely loving life without intention to go back to the States for a good long while.

I met Amon at Baan Didi the day after I returned from my first trip back to America after living here for 3 months.  I was able to find closure back home and decided that Thailand would become my new home for more than the initially intended 6 months.  Amon was working as a driver at the home.  I remember pointing him out to my friend... that sure is a cute looking Asian, I wonder how I can get to know him?  We slowly… very slowly, started our courtship.  Dating someone in this culture is a different ballgame and I had to learn all sorts of new rules, but it went smoothly.  Soon enough, after one whole month, we shared our first kiss under the kam fai’s  (fire lanterns) of the King’s birthday that were streaming in the thousands over our heads as we sat alone on a house boat in the middle of the lake.  It was a pretty magical beginning for us and life in Sangkhlaburi was just as amazing as ever.  I did not want to ever leave.

Unfortunately, I had to go home for the summer, which meant being away from Amon and my kids in Sangkhla for three and a half months while I worked at a girl scout camp in Bailey.  The summer was amazing, but the time apart from Amon meant that coming back would be challenging, a lot did change between he and I in that time.  Not only he and I actually, but many aspects of life as I had known it before were different when I returned.  No longer did I have Setske and Libby as my counterparts, my roommates and my best friends.  No longer could I sit around with them each evening and chat about being crippled with back aches and making peanut butter oreos while drinking red tea and Chang beer simultaneously.  The house I came back to was cold, dirty, and didn’t feel much like home at all without them.  

I spent the first month alone for the most part, having not so gently dismissing Amon for we had grown apart, and waiting for Cat to return from Portugal so I could have a roommate again.  I cooked a lot of food, took a lot of walks, watched many movies and spent more than my allotted hours at the home playing with the gorgeous children.  Finally Cat got back and I felt alive again!  Ah yes, this is why I love life in this town!  I started going out more, cooking less, and smiling often.  During this time I hadn’t stopped thinking about my boy, and I missed him every day.  I would see him around town and we wouldn’t speak and that was heartbreaking.  In October I decided to call him and said enough is enough, I can’t stop thinking about you.  He said the same about me and we decided to work through our changed lifestyles and be a couple again.  It was slow, once again, very slow, but my December, once again on the King’s birthday, I found myself in his arms once more… and it felt right.  

From August of 2012 to recently I had been going to Bangkok or Kanchanaburi every 2-3 weeks to take children to appointments, as well as leaving the country to go on visa runs every 3 months.  It was exhausting and I was gone a lot.  I didn’t like this aspect of my job, but there was so much else going on to make up for the unpleasantness of traveling constantly.  I started running the relief program at the home and got it in good running and working order with the help of Sarah, another volunteer in town.  I started having meetings with other organizations about how to work together to make our programs more successful and to bring greater benefit to the people.  I also started to teach a sex ed and social awareness class with Ken and Cat and learned so much from them and from the kids.  On top of day to day running of the clinic at the home and all the other projects, life was busy and I was happy.  

Amon and I had talked about having children… one day.  We both agreed that our child would be the cutest most loved little kid in town.  We hadn’t set any concrete plans, but it was something we both very much wanted.  Little did we know that it would happen so quickly!  On March 1^st, my 28^th birthday, I found out I was pregnant with my Little Bean.  It was such a wonderful, albeit terrifying, birthday gift.  

I spent the entirety of March in the bathroom or miserable in bed with morning sickness… so it seemed.  Actually I continued to work 10-12 hour days in the home and successfully get a team of plastic surgeons to Sangkhlaburi to operate on 25 children and adults in desperate need.  It was exhausting, but I did it.  

I was starting to tell some people about the pregnancy and the reactions were very mixed.  Some people were very happy, excited, and looking forward to seeing my baby.  Some people were a little apprehensive, and confused.  I went home for the month of April and I think that was the most common reaction: Confusion.  

You see, I had to keep Amon secret for so long because of the nature of my work and my status within the community.  Most people here in town didn’t even know we were together until I got pregnant.  And the same goes with people back home.  No facebook posts about him or relationship status changes until recently.  

When I told Didi about the pregnancy a lot seemed to happen at once.  It was decided within two days that I would no longer work at the home but instead move to the school where I could be a school nurse and also help take care of two girls with cerebral palsy.  The reasoning behind the move is still a bit confusing, but in the end it is good.  Less working hours and less responsibility.  Although I had to give up one of my greatest loves: the relief program and outreach work. 
Now we’re up to date.  Currently I am staying with Amon due to my new house being infested with black mold and mosquitoes.  I work at the school Monday through Friday, 8am-4:30pm and I’m afraid that monotony will be the killer.  I don’t do well with routine and never have.  

We have been announcing my pregnancy to people around town and the reaction now is so good!  I am greeted with belly pats and smiles of great width.  Amon is already a proud father and has been my pillar of strength this past week.  In the midst of all the changes, with my life, my body, my connections, he is there, supporting me every minute.  He is amazing and I could not ask for anything better.  He shows people the picture of our baby with a giant smile and proudly proclaims he’s going to be a daddy.  It makes me glow.  Every morning I am awoken by him kissing my belly and saying, “good morning baby.  Time to wake up”.  He forces me to eat even when I feel like vomiting, and goes out of his way to ensure my wellbeing, all of the time.   I am so lucky to have him, to have this child growing inside me, and to have amazing people and community surrounding me.  Life is challenging at times, and this has by far been the most challenging change I have ever experienced, but not without good outcomes.