Next Steps

Well, here we are again. 

It's been a real rough last couple of weeks.  School started which means my job got into full swing and it turns out I don't like it so much.  I am taking care of one 8 year old girl with cerebral palsy who is totally dependent on all care.  This means I get there at 8am, bathe her, feed her, do exercises and then take her to kindergarten.  In kindy I spend 30 minutes a day attempting to teach English to 10 3-5 year olds.  It should be fun, but without a translator it is a bit difficult.  I've never taught a class in my life and I'm being thrown in like I actually know what I'm doing.  Hate to break it to ya, I don't.  After kindy I feed the girl lunch then take her back to have a rest while I supposedly have mine, though to date I still have not had a lunch break.  Then I have to do more exercises with her and another girl with CP who is more advanced.  Then I either take them for a walk, read to them, or nap with them.  Then, the worst part of my day: Teaching high school health to several teenagers, half of whom cannot speak a lick of English.  It has only been a week, and so far I have just gone over the syllabus and expectations, but still the most challenging so far.  How am I supposed to teach kids who cannot speak my language about the body and different disorders therein?  Half the class has decent enough English that I can get by, but the others... well, they don't even know the word "hand" in English.  I asked for a translator but was told to just use one of the kids.  Which isn't fair at all, and I don't think their translating ability is going to be all that great since we are learning a completely new subject. 

This all coincides with the fact that I am now living with Amon, which is great and wonderful and I absolutely love, except he lives in a staff house.  This means I get all the amenities of a nice place; washer/dryer, hot water, fridge, stove, internet; but have to deal with starfish staff all the time.  The place I had rented turned out to be quite the pit, is filled with black mold and mosquitoes, so we decided it would be best for me to stay here until the end of the month when I could find a better place. 

And the saga up at the children's home is, of course, never ending.  I had hoped that I could go up to visit the children after school and on weekends, but two weeks ago when I went up to talk to one of the workers about a child, Didi said that I could no longer go up there without her permission.  She said she would prefer it if I didn't go up at all.  I see the kids at the school, they tell me they are sick, other kids are sick.  I see them at the hospital and find out that they've been running a fever of 102 for 10 days and nobody did a damn thing until now.  I hear stories from volunteers that children are in the clinic handing out medications that are not logged or recorded, so some children are getting double, triple or missed doses of paracetamol (Tylenol).  I am outraged.  I even offered to help, despite being hurt at not being able to visit, but was told by Didi that she did not need me.  Clearly she needs someone up there, because the 20 year old girl who is currently running the place isn't doing it right. 

You know, I poured so much of myself into that clinic.  I made it what it is today, or what it's supposed to be.  Rarely did I have to take children to the hospital because I was able to care for them at home.  I organized medical charts, had a great charting system in place, kept up with appointments, and never messed up medications.  On top of that I successfully ran an outreach program for 40 some odd people in need in the surrounding areas.  And now... now it is all gone.  Everything I worked for, everything I loved, taken from me. 

I finally asked why.  Why is it I got kicked out of my job, out of my house, had access to the kids taken away?  Well, the baby of course.  Apparently I am a bad influence on the children now because I decided to have a child out of wedlock.  Completely disregard the fact that I am a successful 28 year old woman in a stable relationship.  I guess, according to Didi, I am in the same boat as the 17 year old who got knocked up last year (who Didi still supports financially I might add). 

The thing that really irks me is how this woman can continue to get away with treating people the way she does.  I am not the first and I certainly will not be the last.  And... guess what?  There isn't a damn thing I can do about it.  I can sit here and be angry and pissed and hurt, or I can let it all go and focus on making my life, and the life of my child, the best possible one we can have.  Amon and I talked about it, we're so happy together, so excited about this new life forming.  Already we have more love between us than has ever or will ever exist up at the "Home of Joy". 

Anyway... thanks for listening to my rant. 

In good news:  Yesterday I had an ultrasound and saw my baby for the second time.  There really is nothing in this world that compares to seeing your child up on the big screen, waving his little hands, kicking his little feet, and hearing his heartbeat.  I am absolutely head over heels in love with this little creature already!  I can feel his little kicks, and that is just about the coolest thing ever.  I can't wait to see him in my arms.  17 weeks down, 23 to go!