Do you ever look back to a time in your life and shudder? To think, I went through that. At the time it didn't feel so awful, but looking back you realize how utterly miserable you were? Well, that's what's happening now with me, in respect to living in Krabi. If I've ever made a right decision, it was the one to move back to Sangkhla. Bugs, mold, dirt and illness be dammed, at least I am safe, with family. Granted Krabi is still very fresh in my mind, so maybe my feelings toward the place will ease up a bit with time, but it is vaguely reminiscent of the time when I lived in San Fransisco for a year when I was 20, the memory still leaves a slightly bad taste in my mouth.
It ended badly, my time there. I have never been one to start fights or make disagreements known to the general public, but lately I've been speaking my mind. It seems that people don't appreciate this as much as I do. The nursery I was working at was a sham, a "montessori school" that charged parents too much and was actually just a big room filled with broken toys. Somewhere along the line I realized how miserable we were there, after a visit to Sangkla where we felt warmth and love that we'd been craving, and I decided to leave Krabi. All the drama ensued at my place of employment after I gave my three week notice. Apparently three weeks is short of standard, and I was treated with such disrespect, such catty-ness, that I really should have just walked out. At the end I never got paid for those last three weeks, all because of some gossip surrounding my outspoken-ness. Well, so be it. Some people just love to be miserable and create misery wherever they go.
Anyhow, the one good thing about Krabi was Asher's school. It was a true Montessori school and he learned so much there. We are trying to keep up with teaching him at home, but I know I fall short in a lot of ways. He is so much happier though, he is with his Papa, and that bond is so incredible I don't know how I could have taken it away from them for so long. Asher will start to go to the local nursery next month, and I am a bit more than apprehensive about that, but if I don't try I won't know. At the very least he will learn more Thai, which is really important to Amon and I. He's also learning his native language, Karen, and all about jungle life. And that, in this world of chaos, is so important to me. That he know how to build a house out of bamboo, which plants he can eat, how to use a machete... OK, OK, I know, he's only two. But still, these are the life skills I admire so much in my husband.
As far as my life, for now I am taking a breather. I know I don't deserve this, I don't deserve anything actually, but I need it. I need to be still and just... breathe. For a minute. For the last 2 weeks I have been truly living in the moment, really trying not to worry or obsess over the future or the past, and let me tell you, these have been the happiest two weeks in recent memory, without a doubt. It's unfortunate that that kind of thinking is not sustainable for me though. I do need to figure out something for a job, if not for money (we actually do need that, I suppose), then for getting out and doing something again. There are some options on the horizon, but for the time being I will be finally setting up Amon's tour. We'll see where that goes, but my hopes are high. I have also put my name and face back out to the NGO community where I hope to get some volunteer gigs, and teaching English to little ones in now something I actually have experience in, so bring that on too if need be.
Life is funny. No matter how hard I try to run away from certain places, people, and environs, I am continuously called back. I am not done here. What is it that Sangkhlaburi, this little village in the jungle, has to teach me?
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