Anyway. We decided that in early March Asher and I will be moving back to America, Colorado specifically, for about six months. If you've read my previous posts I am sure you can come to the main conclusion as to why this was decided, but for a summary: Things here are not going well.
I guess since I got fired from the children's home my work life has slowly fizzled out. I was once a well respected American nurse doing some pretty amazing things in this town. You can read about how it all went down here. As of late I am an unemployed soon to be stay at home mom. Which does have it's attributes and is definitely not me being completely worthless, but at the same time, it is not why I moved here. I want to be out there, being a nurse, doing what I do, loving it, living it. Without that, there's nothing for me here.
There's also the other life factors that go into this decision. Mainly Asher's continued illnesses. Since he was six months old he has been suffering severe GI distress, was hospitalized on IV antibiotics at one point and had to be rushed to Bangkok at another point. He seems to always be sick with something, whether it be unexplained fevers, a cold, a flu, or the GI thing. The thing is though, that when we were in America in November, for a whole month he went without getting sick. He did have a small cold at one point, but none of the more distressing things we've been dealing with. He was fine. When we got back here we brought him back to his nanny's where not even two days had passed and he was sick again. I am not sure what is going on, but I can't continue to keep him there knowing he will keep coming home ill.
I quit my job due to this, in anticipation of needing to stay at home with my son. There were also some nasty thing happening at my place of employment. I won't go into details here, but I was morally obliged to quit at the point that I did.
So, I guess the real kicker to all of this is, as usual, Amon. I explained in my earlier post that he would not be able to come with us due to family being here. That, unfortunately, still remains to be the same. Amon will come with us for 3 weeks to help us get settled, but then we'll both be on our own. It is so incredibly sad and heartbreaking that it had to come to this. I never thought I'd be in this situation. I feel guilty and douchey and all sorts of things. I am taking my husband's son away from him.
I guess the one shining light is that it will only be temporary. That Asher and I will come back here. Maybe the situation here will be different. Maybe not. Hopefully I will at least gain perspective. But even that... once you have insight into one aspect of life, it all goes changing again and you have to start from scratch.
I am looking forward to being home though. Despite the sadness and the missing, I am sure we'll keep busy doing all sorts of things Americans do. I am excited. I can't wait to take Asher to story time at the library, let him run around in parks, swing on swings, go sledding! I envision summer days full of good friends at the reservoir in Boulder, splashing around with our babies. I will be so glad to be a nurse again. I will learn the new drugs and treatments, don gloves once again! Wearing scrubs, stethoscope dangling, pockets full of alcohol wipes and KY Jelly, pens going missing, being yelled at by doctors... ah, I can taste it.
Good times ahead, I know it.
Happy Holidays to y'all. Here's the one picture I managed to capture of Asher on Christmas day.
With Love.
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