Jungle Pizza

So, I made a pizza yesterday.  From scratch.  I don't know, maybe I just needed a challenge.  So I thought I'd share with you a little tutorial, How to Make a Pizza (from scratch) in the Jungle.

First off you have to make the tomato sauce.  So you dice tomatoes, onions, garlic then sauce them.  That took about 20 minutes.  I added dried basil, oregano (both of which were smuggled in from the States), salt and a teenie bit of sugar.  It came out pretty decent.

Next step is making the dough.  I guess I could have done this first and let it rise while making the sauce, but whatevs.  Next time I know.  So I took some yeast, and some water and mixed it together, then mixed that with flour and a bit of salt.  Yeah, dough.  I'm sure you know how to make dough.  It was dough-y.  The only problem was that the yeast I used had been sitting on our shelf for the entirety I was away, and probably a good couple months before that too.  So I think it lost its potency or something because this is what the dough looked like even after sitting for, like, 45 minutes:

Step three is to check on the toddler.  I had planned on doing this while he was sleeping, but he decided not to nap.  So he was left to his own devices:

Ask not why there is a spoon in the bathroom, be impressed that the kid played by himself, mostly, while you were busy.

Step Four:  While the dough is "rising", cut/grate the cheese.  I had planned on grating, but when I went to look at my 50 cent grater I realized it was a little rusty and also swarmed with ants?  So yeah, step four for me was to cut up the cheese into small cubes resembling grated cheese.

Step Five: Roll out the dough.  Of course I don't have a rolling pin.  Those are difficult to smuggle in, and quite heavy.  So I used the next best thing: a roll of saran wrap.  That worked pretty well, saran wrap isn't sticky, especially when foured. 

Step Six: Place rolled out dough "circle" onto pan.  Yeah, I can't roll out a circle.  But fuck it, it tastes the same no matter what shape, right?

Step Seven: Put the sauce on the dough.

Step Eight: Plug in the oven.  Yeah, I don't have a proper oven either.  But I do have this amazing toaster oven that works just fine. 

Step one-hundred: Put the cheese on the pizza.  Here you can add any other variety of things, but seeing as I would have to go a butcher a pig and figure out how to make bacon or pepperoni, from scratch, I decided this pizza would be just cheese. 

Step one million: Go check on the kid again.  Make sure he isn't trying to rearrange the fridge. 

Step one million and eleven: Put the pizza in the oven and hope the dough at least rises there.

Step 112,000,000:  Take out the pizza.  Look at it, taste it.  It tastes OK.  But then realize that your husband, who is actually from the jungle, makes much better pizza that this whitey does or could do!